Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
