just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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