...so i touched it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
