Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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