how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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