After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have fence marks all over my body
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
