Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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