It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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