I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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