I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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