census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
