the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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