I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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