If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
