Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize