Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
