saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
