You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
this is an emotional support booty call
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
