1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
