can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
