he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
