Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
