I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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