Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
