Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
