it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
