Life is so much better after having sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
