I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
