I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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