im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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