how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
