shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
