feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
