Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
