I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
