I am puke
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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