I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The struggles of a small town man whore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
