So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
