So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
