He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
