I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize