we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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