I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
