Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
