well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
