one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
