Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
