she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
