I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
