I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
