4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
