I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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