I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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