Small penises have feelings too.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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