You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
