i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
