um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
