Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize