That's when you crack a 10am beer
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
