Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize