you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
