Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
