Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
