You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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