Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
