are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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