Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
