Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
