my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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