Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
