Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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