Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
