I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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