In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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