Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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