If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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