Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
