yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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