My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Randomize
