yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
