why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
