My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize