I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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