to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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