im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
