she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
