If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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