Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
