I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
