oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Farmville is her only friend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
