We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
