I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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