you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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