May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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