Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
