gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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