Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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