did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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