I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
