I love black thongs
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Shame - the story of my life.
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