I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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