Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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