In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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