I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
