the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
