my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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