If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize