i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
