Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
